I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
