Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
