OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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