Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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