In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
