sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
