was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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