I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
