im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
