weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
