So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
