Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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