I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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