Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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