Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
