i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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