o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My penis needs a shock collar
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
