i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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