I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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