Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
we have pet lesbian snakes
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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