he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
this is an emotional support booty call
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
