I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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