I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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