I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
