When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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