Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
