she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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