The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
