Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
