I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
