People with herpes should wear stickers.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize