I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
