She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
