im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
