How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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