Got a toothbrush?
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
do nipples grow back?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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