god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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