the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
