I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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