so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
