I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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