Non-Jews are for practice
Can Purell be used as lube?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
