lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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