too bad you live with your parents still
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
