he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
