Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
It's never too late to be topless.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
