He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
