i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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