he thought i was a dude.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
