fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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