This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
