just come out here and I will go home with you...
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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