I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
did you just send me my own nude
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize