I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize