I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
