with your own penis?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
