her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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