remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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