Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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