Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
