I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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