you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize