I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
