I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
