i think my tv is drunk
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
