Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
