about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
