I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
