He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
