I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
