How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
They are going to name an STD after you.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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