Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
