Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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