Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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