I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
